An Essay from a Close Christian Friend

I’m Jealous…

Written by Kenia Bautista

I know I am not the only one who has trouble loving themselves and finding their worth. Many beautiful human beings feel this way as well and struggle, like this girl who I am jealous of, fyi I’m straight, just to put that out there. This girl who I am talking about is beautiful and unique inside and out; that’s what I envy her so much. I’m jealous that she is beyond beautiful, no, gorgeous. Many people said her smile and laugh is what makes her so amazing, but there is more to her… Her height is five-two like me which makes her extra cute. She is called cute many times which she told me she likes. She has curly hair that coils around her fingers when she plays with it. She has curves; short, and petite. She laughs like a hyena or a car engine or is it a motorcycle lol, but she loves it. She has the perfect nose, mouth, dark brown eyes, with dark brown curly hair. God sculpted her in her mother’s womb perfectly. Enough of her outside, she is smart on the inside, no, intelligent. She loves to read and she’s good at math. She is also wise and mature for her age. She is loving and silly, but she has been dealing with her own demons that has caused her to be less motivated. I felt bad about the story she told me about her multiple traumas, but she is strong. She said that she is insecure and not pretty enough, but gosh that must be a joke. How can that be! She struggles accepting the verse, 1 Peter 3:3-4, Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as elaborate hairstyles and the wearing of gold jewelry or fine clothes. Rather, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God’s sight.” It’s about the inside of a person. I tell her multiple times that she is enough and that she is worthy and she is God’s child, but she doesn’t believe that much. Maybe because she is traumatized from being so quiet for a long time or not letting herself grow and not being herself or maybe both. She has been depressed multiple times and experiencing abnormal things. She feels like she’s falling apart but she is actually becoming better. She has God by her side. I wish I can be pretty as she is and smart as she is and silly as she is and caring as she is and I can go on and on. She is still confused and numb, but she told me that she is getting better. I believe and have complete hope that she will find her way and follow the path that God has for her. This girl is stronger than she thinks. She is not forgotten. She will make a change in the world. She is worth more than gold. She shines like no other. This girl I have been talking about, who I’ve been jealous of, her name is Kenia. It is me.

Here are some Bible verses

Song of Solomon 4:7 – You are altogether beautiful, my love; there is no flaw in you.

1 Samuel 16:7 – But the Lord said to Samuel, “Do not consider his appearance or his height, for I have rejected him. The Lord does not look at the things people look at. People look at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart.”

Psalm 139:14 – I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;  your works are wonderful, I know that full well.

1 John 3:1 See what great love the Father has lavished on us, that we should be called children of God! And that is what we are! The reason the world does not know us is that it did not know him.

1 John 1:9 –  If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness.

Psalm 46:5 – God is within her, she will not fall; God will help her at break of day.

Proverbs 31:25 – She is clothed with strength and dignity, and she laughs without fear of the future.

Romans 5:8 – But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.

2 Chronicles 20:15 –  He said: “Listen, King Jehoshaphat and all who live in Judah and Jerusalem! This is what the Lord says to you: ‘Do not be afraid or discouraged because of this vast army. For the battle is not yours, but God’s.

Psalm 139:13-15 – For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful,  I know that full well. My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place, when I was woven together in the depths of the earth.

Hebrews 13:5 –  Keep your lives free from the love of money and be content with what you have, because God has said, “Never will I leave you;  never will I forsake you.

1 Peter 3:3-4 – Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as elaborate hairstyles and the wearing of gold jewelry or fine clothes. Rather, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God’s sight. 

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