Today, I would like to talk about socializing. I am not an expert on this topic but I shall discuss this topic from the point of view of someone who has been bullied in school in the past and also being a social recluse. Through my experiences and struggles and also being an introvert, I found it difficult to make friends and socialize with people. I always had a good relationship with my family though which is different because most family members accept you for who you are. But we are talking about interacting with society and just socializing with other people now outside of your family.
I think the first step a person should focus on is complete & free self-expression. A person should always feel comfortable and relaxed enough to express himself or herself fully without limitation especially when socializing with other people. Of course, this modality won’t make everyone like you so there is actually another ingredient in addition to complete free self-expression. For now we will talk about complete and free self-expression. It is so essential because if you feel like you can’t be yourself around other people, it becomes a mental and emotional prison for you.
This was something that happened to me during my years of growing up and interacting with society. As I got more and more in tune with my creative nature, I became more self-aware and doubled-down on self-expression and now I am a totally completely different person who is much more fulfilled. Being able to accurately express who you are is so key to socializing with others. I think it is important because it’s also possible to socialize with a superficial modality in which you aren’t being yourself when interacting with others. This could lead to relationships and friendships in which you feel like nobody knows who you are.
Now I will talk about the second ingredient to socializing with other people. That is making sure you induce / simulate a positive emotional state in other people in all your interactions with them. This is so key and fundamental because we should not be complaining to others on a constant basis. Everyone would be repelled by that type of modality. It wouldn’t matter how talented or gifted you think you are, no matter or not if you’re popular or even famous. Everyone is repelled by negativity. Sure we are attracted to it when it comes to news because sudden negative news brings a bit of excitement which makes life more interesting as bad as that sounds. It is like in movies, without conflict in it, there is no story. The news is all about storytelling and incorporating shock value.
Anyway, the two ingredients I just mentioned to socializing are complete free self-expression & positive emotional state simulation in others during interaction. You must have a synergistic combination of these ingredients if you would like to be effective at the basics of socializing. By inducing positive emotional states in others on a constant basis during your interactions with them, they will be more drawn to you and like socializing with you. You can build very good relationships and friendships this way. If you are truly very negative or in a bad emotional state, a good way to resolve that is to talk to a therapist or write in your journal or talk to a very close and trusted friend who is there for you emotionally instead of complaining to everyone you come across. This is important because people are opportunity gateways for you to access and if you’re complaining or being negative all the time, these gateways can close for you and you will have burned the bridge indefinitely without being aware of it.
There is also a third ingredient as well if you want to be even more effective in your social interactions too. Of course there are probably hundreds of techniques to socialize better but the ones I am mentioning in this post are the ones I found essential to building my own social circle and building friendships thus far. The third ingredient is cultivating curiosity and asking other people questions. This is actually so essential because nobody wants to just hear you talk about yourself all the time, which is why the complete free self-expression ingredient doesn’t work on its own. You must utilize other ingredients as well to be even more effective.
When you ask questions, they must be sincere and not just superficial questions that you’ve premade before engaging with them. There are definitely essential questions to ask to build propinquity and closeness with someone but they should always come from a true curiosity and interest in them rather than mere manipulation. That is important to remember. Please know that I do not condone using social techniques to manipulate others. Please do not do this. Thanks. And so these are the three ingredients that have come up in my mind for the basics of socializing with others. They can take you a long way for sure if you want to connect with people, build your social circle, or make meaningful friendships and relationships.
I hope you have found this post insightful or helpful at all for your life. Take care and God bless you!